Kamikazi United!

United manager Roy Walker said in the local paper, after intimating he would make changes to his starting line-up, that he still thought tonight's result was important, obviously that message didn't get through to the players, as they seemed intent on giving the Coleraine scum some Easter presents. Walker did wield the axe making six changes to his staring eleven of last Saturday. Out went keeper Nelson, defender Archie, midfielders Taggart and Aid Watson and forward Kelbie and the versatile Sparky, while Noel Anderson was also rested from the panel. In came Oggers in goal, Gazza in defence, Locky and Carson to central midfield and a rare start for Cushley wide left. Mike Smith returned from injury to right midfield, allowing Muir to move upfront to partner Andy.

With only 11 minutes gone United committed their first major error, when Darren Boyce, looking suspiciously offside, burst down the left before pushing the ball past the 'lead-footed' Chris Ramsay. Oggers started to come for the ball, which he looked favourite for, hesitated and gave Boyce the easy task of slipping the ball past him to give the scum the lead. United seemed to have levelled the score when Muir found Andy Smith, but a late flag ruled the score out. What a contrast in the second period when the same linesman missed three glaring offsides by the scum, only one of which luckily resulted in a goal.

United fans didn't have long to wait for the next gaffe by their benevolent players and this time it was Jody Tolan who got on a rebound from a Patterson shot, while the United defence stood and watched. Gary Muir came within a whisker of reducing the deficit, when his shot from 30 yards thundered off the crossbar with the keeper stranded. The scum wasted two good chances to increase their lead, when firstly Patterson shot over when once more our defence fell asleep and then when the ball ricocheted about in defence, before being finally cleared. Then it was Locky, playing in his first United/scum derby game who committed the next major gaffe, getting caught in possession inside the centre circle he feebly allowed himself to be robbed and Patterson this time made no mistake when he thumped the ball past the hapless O'Neil to make the score 3-0.

Two minutes later United got a lifeline when the scum keeper failed to deal with a Muir corner, Locky was on hand to reduce the deficit. That goal came in the 38th minute and try as they might United couldn't get another foothold before halftime. They weren't helped in this regard by the continual time wasting tactics of the scum keeper, aided and abetted by referee Dessie Loughrey who failed to encourage him to get on with it. In fact the performance of Dessie and the linesman at that end was brought into focus when the scum keeper clearly punched the ball for a corner and they decided it was a goalkick, which brought the wrath of the home fans to the fore.

United got a dream start to the second half when they reduced the deficit even more in the 53rd minute. This goal was scored by Andy Smith, who despite ploughing a lone furrow upfront, did manage to keep going and he scored a fine goal from 25 yards with a crisp right-foot shot, with the keeper helpless. Manager Walker then did a strange thing to my way of thinking, he took off Cushley and brought on Paul McNeill. Admittedly the Cush wasn't at his best, but McNeil has had numerous chances and is still at best a bit part player and even though he's an 'out-and-out' striker, he hasn't got the match winning qualities of the Cush.

Of course maybe Roy was happy with a 3-2 scoreline, but I definitely wasn't and despite making two more substitutions, George Young for Locky and near the end Aaron Lennon for Carson, the closest we came to scoring was when Muir rattled a 25 yarder off the crossbar once more. The scum on the other hand had been (aided and abetted by the linesman at that end), bursting through from offside positions and it was a miracle that United hadn't shipped another 3 goals in the second half. Oggers also made a couple of good saves but even he was powerless when Patterson, two yards behind the last defender ran through before squaring to Boyce to make the score an undeserved 4-2 to the scum.

This defeat left a bad taste in the mouth, but then again when you're playing the stinking gas-men, you always get a bad taste in your mouth. But what was especially galling about this defeat, was that it could've and should've, been avoided. The first two goals conceded were the result of bad defending, which sometimes happens, but the third was the result of our one big failing this season, 'arsing' about. Hopefully they'll be none of that next Saturday, but I fear it's become such an integral part of our play that it can't be helped, but I fervently 'hope' I can be proved wrong, boy do I hope I'm proved wrong!

Oggers (6), Ramsay (6), Colligan (6), Alb. Watson (7), Gazza (6), M. Smith (6), Muir (6), Carson (6)(Sub: Lennon 6,), Locky (6)(Sub: Young 5,), Cushley (6)(Sub: McNeil 6,), A. Smith (7),

Man of the match: Andy Smith