Ned Kelly!

Ned Kelly, according to legend, was an Irish bandit in Australia, I'm not going to enter in to the folklore surrounding him, I merely want to illustrate how United came back into the derby game with the Coleraine scum, with their own version of Ned Kelly. All seemed lost when the scum went two-up with two opportunist strikes and threatened to score again through McDaid, only for United keeper Shan, to pull off a marvellous save to keep us in it. That save came with an hour gone and United were given a lifeline when Cush found MM and he rounded the scum keeper Ferris (player of the month for January, no less), who got a hand to the ball, but it squirmed loose and MM scored from an impossible angle, to halve the deficit.

The comeback was complete when United manager Spike took off McBride and brought on our own Ned Kelly, Mark Kelly, to be precise. He proved to be the lynch-pin and the fightback was complete when he found Cush and Cush was floored by Ogilby just inside the box and the ref pointed to the spot. Ally, who had to came on as a sub himself, duly scored the penalty and tied the scores at two apiece. United manager Fergie sprung a surprise when he omitted JT from the starting line-up, preferring to go with 3,5,2 formation he used at Windsor Park, in last weeks victory over Linfield. The only changes to his starting line-up of last Saturday were Tony who replaced Sparky and MM got a rare start in place of the ineligible, Darboy. There was also a new name on the bench as Mark Kelly's International registration had come through at last.

The wind was howling as the match kicked off and Sky Blue Sport's fears about the referee, Mark 'ham shank' Courtney (called 'ham' from now on), were soon realised, when he produced a yellow card for Marky barely 5 mins after the start, when he got in a tangle with a scum forward. The United 'wall' did its job, forcing the kicker to balloon his shot  and the ball sailed harmlessly over the bar. United carved out a chance a minute later, but Captain Jenks shot didn't have the power to trouble Ferris unduly. Then it was Jimer's turn to try his luck, when his cross-cum-shot took a slight deflection of a scum defender, eluded Ferris, but unlucky for United just missed the target. In the absence of Ally, Tony took the in-swinger from the left, but in spite of a scrambled clearance from the scum defence, United couldn't take advantage of it.

Stephen Douglas, ex-Linfield and reputedly a native of Ahoghill, tried his luck with a volley, but Shan in the United goal was equal to it. Browne of the scum then tried to con Ham with a blatant dive, but Ham ignored him, instead of booking him, but he later booked Cookie for a foul on Bradley, despite the scum player having his arms around Cookie, obviously that is allowed to Ham's way of thinking. Ham finally realised there was two teams playing and booked Ogilby of the scum for a dangerous tackle. But just for good measure he booked Cush and Jimer of United for what only can be described as clumsy tackles. The lino on the Fisherwick end of the ground missed three blatant offsides, but luckily United survived these scares.

There were lots of bizarre incident taking place, but the most bizarre was when a scum player nearly decapitated United's Thommo with a high foot and Ham gave the free-kick to the scum, obviously Gary was leading with his head. We had five bookings in the game so far and the the physio was only on once, so it was not a dirty game, far from it. Cush came close to breaking the deadlock when he crossed but MM was beaten to the ball with a scum defender at the expense of a corner. Tony tried to take this short and we lost the ball as a consequence, when will we ever learn, never it seems. Browne had a chance when he met a cross but didn't trouble Shan.

With time ticking away at the end of the half, Cush of all people missed a glorious chance when Archie, playing his 200  game I think, found him with only the keeper to beat, but he screwed his shot harmlessly wide, with the goal at his mercy. That proved to be a costly mistake when on the stroke of halftime, McDaid found space about 20 yards from goal and his wind assisted shot flew into the net past a startled Shan, to give the scum a halftime lead 1-0. The United players tramped off dejected at the halftime interval and I was thinking surely Spike had to change things round and come up with a different plan if we were to get back into the game.The main talking points at halftime was the referee's performance and the 'secret' weapon, Mark Kelly, that was among our subs.

2nd half
United took the field with the same team, playing the same old system that had not worked in the first half, but they should have levelled in the first minute, when Cush miskicked in the six-yard box and the ball found Jenks, who fired wide. Four mins later United very nearly were made to pay for their benevolence in front of goal, when Tommins teed up Bradley, via a mistake by Jimer, but he didn't trouble Shan, shooting wide. United seemed to be trying to play their way out of defence and this led to the scum's second goal, when Tony passed to Thommo, but he was clattered by Lowry, but Ham saw no foul and Harkin picked up the loose ball and drilled a shot from 25 yards, which just eluded the despairing dive of Shan and ended up in the net.

Harkin went on a celebration run, removing his shirt and became the sixth player to be booked and rightly so in my opinion. Still Fergie didn't act and the scum nearly put the game beyond our reach when a McDaid shot produced a brilliant save from Shan. We made them pay for this when Cush found MM in the box and he rounded Ferris in the scum goal, who got a hand to the ball, but it squirmed from his grasp and MM scored with a brilliant shot from a tight angle to reduce the deficit to 2-1. Fergie had been looking like bringing a sub on and two mins later Ally came on to replace Cookie and we went to the familiar 4,3,3. Thommo, due to start a two game suspension next week, was having a poor game by his standards, but he was starting to play but unfortunately he was booked by Ham.

Browne tried another dive, ignored by the ref and Cush dragged a shot wide when well placed, but Jenks got in the way of a shot from Browne, at the expense of a corner. With less than 15 mins remaining, Spike made another change, bringing off Thommo and bringing on Alan D. I was less than enthralled by this substitution, but it turned out to be a good one and Fergie made another 5 mins later, bringing on Mark Kelly in place of McBride. Don't ask me what system we were playing now, it seemed to be all out attack and the tall Kelly was putting in a shift, winning high balls and Ogilby, who had it all his own way up to now, was being beaten in the air, time and time again.

Could United find an equaliser and remain unbeaten throughout this season against their greatest rivals, the Coleraine scum. It seemed to be going to elude them when fate took a hand, as Kelly blocked a clearance, it fell nicely to Cush and he was floored by Ogilby. Ham sprinted up-field and pointed to the spot and didn't book Ogilby, which I thought was fair enough, it wasn't a clear goal-scoring opportunity, but it was a clear penalty. Cush went to retrieve the ball and for one 'heart-stopping' moment I thought he was going to take it, but I needn't have worried, the responsibility fell to the reliable Ally. Ferris, in the scum goal was racing about his line like a man demented, obviously trying to put Ally off. But Ally was coolness itself and he stroked the spot kick into the net and the 'player of the month' for January embarrassment was complete, when he dived the wrong way.

That tied the scores level at 2-2 and I was reminded of a another derby match two years ago, when United got level at 2-2, but fell to a killer goal at the end of the ninety. It was end to end stuff in the 3 minutes of added time and there was a spate of further bookings, Captain Jenks for United making it six in the game and McDaid for the scum. Bradley became the ninth player to be get a yellow card, but worse was to follow for the scum, when Browne took another dive when tackled fairly by United's captain Jenks, he protested vehemently to the referee and was promptly shown a red card and sub  McNeil was booked for good measure, making 11 bookings and one  red card in the match and the physio was only on one time and it proved to be a just a bluff, to get Jimer booked. As it was the scores finished level and we were displaced by Glenavon in the top six, but we've still 4 matches to go and they have a lot of catching up to do!


Shan (8), Marky (7), Cookie (7) (Ally 8,), Archie (7), Jimer (7), Tony (7), Jenks (7), Thommo (7) (Sub: Alan D 7), McBride (7) (Sub: Kelly 8,), Cush (8), MM(8)

Man of the match: Shan