Dodgy Keeper!

A big thank-you to the 'diving bird, alias Oran Kearney, for installing Michael Doherty as his first choice keeper. There seemed little danger yesterday as Allys cross was destined for the keepers grasp, but inadvertently, Ally, done a 'Susan Bap' on Doherty and the ball squirmed through his legs and United Captain Jenks was on hand to score the easiest of goals. That goal gave United a 3-2 lead and they were denied a goal 14 mins later, when the Lino at the Fisherwick end (a blind man if ever I ever saw one), failed to signal for a goal when the ball was clearly in the net.

As expected Spike's only change in his line-up was  Marky, for the suspended JT. Mike Ruddy and Brian McCaul were on the bench along with, Owen Kane, Jack Graham and Spike's son Matthew and no place for Shevlin. United, in front of a big home support, took the match to the scum in the opening stages and Ally's looping header, from a cross by Tony, just missed the post with Doherty scrambling. Then it was the scum's turn, when a  McGinty shot flashed wide with Addis flat-footed.

Tony again, after a nice bit of play flashed a swerving shot at Doherty's goal and the keeper just managed to get a touch on it and diverted it for a corner. That corner by Gawley came to nothing, but I  knew, it was only a sighter. Darboy, managed to get his head to another Tony cross, but he was stretching and it didn't trouble the scum keeper, Doherty. As so often happens in games, the scum took an undeserved lead two mins later and the United defence were at sixes and sevens, no organisation in their defensive tactics.

Not for the first time this season United let a cross come in and Stuarty Addis came to punch the ball, but it was a weak punch and it fell to a scum player on the edge of the box, he shot at goal but the ball rebounded to him again and his next shot took a deflection and fell to the unmarked Gary Browne and from an acute angle, his shot found the net despite Addis getting a hand to it. This goal rocked United back onto their heels and the meagre scum support estimated at 1,000 ,more like 700, but these things are always exaggerated, were cock'a hoop.

United managed to draw level 9 mins later with a header from Darboy, from a right-wing corner by Gawley. The former scum player scored his first goal against his former club and didn't he celebrate with the Sky Blue fans. Surely United would go on and win I foolishly thought, they were attacking Coleraine at will, but 5 mins later the scum got another goal, from another cross. This time it was Tony who was outfoxed on the left-wing and the cross flicked off Marky's head and Parkhill of the scum, reacted quicker than United's slip-shod defenders, to score with a diving header to make the score 2-1 in the visitors favour.

They was a cameo performance going on throughout the game, involving the United defence and their keeper, Stuarty Addis. The defenders were imploring Addis to come for balls, but he flatly refused and pandemonium reigned throughout the match, its a miracle we didn't concede more goals as a result of this indecision. Despite United upping the pace, they couldn't get back on level terms and ref Colin 'the blind man' Burns, in common with most referee's nowadays, seem to be reluctant to flourish yellow cards in the first half  and scum players were getting away with hard and foul tackles.

Sparky, must have decided that 'if its good for the goose, its good for the gander', as he fouled a scum player down on the touchline and got away with it. I was dubious, for knowing the 'blind man' of old, he never surprises me, when you just think you know what he's going to do, he does the opposite. Take the United goal as an example. Everybody in the ground knew it was a corner, but the 'blind man' signalled for a goal-kick and then changed his mind and gave the corner, from which United scored. The Lino at the Fisherwick end, that United were defending in the first half, had already missed three blatant offsides, but he finally woke up near halftime.

2nd half
Before this half started, we were treated to a pantomime, when a Coleraine coach, came out and threw down eight or so blue discs and several scum players came out and danced around them. I immediately thought that they were practising for Mother Goose or some such panto, but Sammy informed me they were practising for the Morris Dancing championships, which is coming up soon, a bunch of fairies if you ask me?

If this was supposed to unsettle United it didn't work and they started where they left-off when the 'blind man' blew his whistle for the resumption. On the scum first attack, Steeky committed his first foul and promptly got booked, the blind man had found his cards. From the resultant free-kick, taken by the otherwise anonymous McCafferty, Addis got down to his left to push the ball out and United cleared the danger.

United renewed their efforts to get back on terms  and they were rewarded when we won another corner on the right. Gawley took it as usual and it eventually fell to Darboy and his shot was tapped into the net by the unmarked Tippers. The scum players claimed Tippers was offside, but the Lino at the Fisherwick end was adamant that Tippers was on-side. It was the turn of the United fans to be cock a' hoop and the chorus 'stand-up if you hate Coleraine' could be heard ringing out in the home stand and we actually stood up, old fools that we are.

Tony and Gawley were tormenting the scum left flank at will, but in a rare scum attack, Parkhill was booked for a deliberate hand-ball, a despicable act if ever I saw one, no doubt the 'diving bird' taught him that one. Then United played their trump card, when after a neat bit of play the ball came to Ally and his cross eluded the wide open legs of Doherty in the scum goal, a perfect Susan Bap, if I ever saw one and United Captain Jenks was on hand to score and give United the lead 3-2. The diving bird started to ring the changes, taking off McCafferty and bringing on Heggarty.

United continued to look dangerous and the visitors were restricted to hoof-ball tactics and Parkhill went off to be replaced with Miskimmon. Two mins after this United were denied a goal by the Lino at the Fisherwick end, when Marky header was well over the goal-line, but the Lino failed to signal a goal. Doherty, the scum keeper's arse was over the line ant ball hit his waist, conclusive proof that it was a goal. As luck would have it the United defence seemed to lose concentration and Ally was beaten at the halfway line and but luckily Steeky was on hand to divert the ball for a corner.

From this corner, the United defence under pressure, half cleared the ball and Ogilby of all people was on hand to volley the ball into the net to tie the the scores at 3-3. A scum fan ran onto the pitch, as if they had scored the winner, but was all to no avail, they couldn't halt the Sky Blues juggernaut. A minute later Sparky became the 2nd United player to be booked, when Ogilby went down like a ton of bricks when Sparky was dribbling through the hesitant scum defence. Does Oran do a master class in bluffing the ref, or are the scum players all ballet dancers?

When United mounted another attack, they got a corner down their left flank and this time Gawley's corner was met by Marky and his downward header found the unmarked Tippers who gleefully headed the winner. Immediately Spike, started to ring the changes and first off was our dead-ball expert Neal Gawley, who had a hand in at least three of our goals, if not all four. He was replaced by Mack (Brian McCaul) and 3 mins later Ally went off to be replaced by Ruddy. The scum tried to get back on level terms, but the United defence were outstanding epitomised by Tony Kane, who seemed to be everywhere.

As we entered three mins of added time, Spike made his final substitution, replacing my man of the match, Darboy, by Owen Kane. When the blind man finally blew his whistle, it was a relief and we waved the scum supporters out of the ground, I imagined they were sort of shell-shocked, they thought they had to just turn-up, but United were in the ascendency for long periods in the game and justice was done by the scoreline in United favour, 4-3, who could ask for anything more. Happy New year to everybody and all I got to say is, bring on the Point, there's a blue moon rising, a Sky Blue moon!


Addis (6), Tony (8), Steeky (7), Marky (8), Cookie (7), Gawley (8) (Sub: Mack 7,), Sparky (7), Jenks (8), Ally (7) (Sub: Ruddy 7,), Darboy (9) (Sub; O. Kane 7), Tippers (8)

Man of the match: Darboy