One Hole!

They say two halves make one whole and Coleraine Showgrounds, home of the Coleraine scum is definitely a hole, it's in need of a facelift and needs to be brought into the 20th century, never mind the 21st. That could be also said of the match yesterday as the two teams struggled in the windy conditions to play constructive football, it was a game of two halves. In the first half with the wind at their backs the scum were in the ascendency and in the second half it was United's turn to have the lion's share of possession. As expected the United team were decimated by injuries and suspensions and Fergie made five changes from the team that started last Saturday.

In a surprise move to me, he kept Shan in the team and it was as well he did, for he was sorely needed. Marky McCullagh came in for suspended Jimer, Mike Ruddy and 100 cap Cookie Munster formed a new partnership in central defence for the injured JT and Archie, Gavin got the nod in midfield for the suspended Tony K and Mark Kelly was the replacement for the ineligible Darboy. As usual United lost the toss and the scum dictated the end we defended in the first half. They, the scum, usually like to defend the end where their supporters are gathered in the first half, we will call this the station end or home end and left us to defend the end where the bulk of our die-hard supporters are situated.

That it was blowing a gale force wind down the pitch from the 'home' end, I'm sure must have influenced their decision and we were left to suffer during the first 45 mins. Owen Bradley, who according to reports this week is mulling over two contract offers, one from the scum and another from United's opponents in the Irish cup final, Glenavon, is definitely in the Oran Kearney mode, he cant seem to keep his feet in the opponents penalty box. Oran Kearney, the 'diving bird', was notorious for this in his playing days and he seems to have passed the technique onto Bradley. Barely two minutes was on the clock when Bradley took a swallow dive in the United penalty box.

I was worried when I saw we were to have four Maltese officials taking charge of this volatile fixture but I gave Clayton Pisanni (Pis for short), the benefit of the doubt in this instance, but it later he proved he was just incompetent. Little was seen of United in the opening half hour, Cush had two shots, one from a free kick, neither of which didn't trouble the keeper. The scum were on the attack and making good use of the wind and our two fullbacks, Marky and the experienced Steeky, were both having nightmare games. It seemed only a matter of time until the scum scored, but despite plenty of pressure they didn't manage a menacing opening until about halfway into the first half.

McDaid the former Derry City reserve player, turned Ruddy, but his cross came to nothing but Marky diverted it for a corner, the safety first approach. The scum stepped up the pressure and forced another corner but couldn't break the deadlock. Marky was harshly booked by the ref for a foul on the edge of the box, when I thought he got in a good tackle, but Bradley went down like a sack of spuds. With 32 mins gone, Shan was called into action, tipping over a free kick, but in doing so he collided with the post and had to be treated by the team physio. Luckily he was able to continue after treatment, but he looked unsteady and when the corner came over he stood stock still instead of coming out and claiming it and was relieved to see Bradley's header strike the post.

Pis was then fooled when Bradley and Ruddy were tussling for the ball and awarded the scum a penalty, it was a clear case of 'six on the one hand and half a dozen in the other', but the ref was pure piss. Despite guessing the right way, Shan was beaten by Bradley, who taunted the United fans in the terracing behind the goal, surely a yellow card, but Pis did nothing. Two mins later he denied the Sky Blues a penalty at the other end when a scum defender pushed Kelly off the ball in the opposite penalty box. The oldest player on the field, United's Cookie Munster, was having a stormer for the Sky Blues and forced Bradley to shoot early when the striker strived for a better position and despite the oohs and aahs of the scum crowd, Shan got his angles right and the shot passed wide of the six-yard box.

2nd half
In the 2nd period United had the elements at their back and despite not exerting the same pressure as the scum did in the first half, they had the lion's share of possession, no doubt. The first real incident of note was when Gavin, of all people, tried his luck from near halfway and Ferry, the scum keeper, just got back to divert the ball for a corner. I don't know whether the ref was annoyed about Gavin having a shot, but when Gavin went for a tackle in midfield five mins later, he flourished the yellow card and the scum player who had been writhing on the ground, made a complete recovery when he saw Gavin had been booked, Oran must have been pleased at this turn of events, it justifies his training methods.

In a rare scum attack, Bradley got the better of Marky and from his low cross, Shan spilled the ball, but McDaid could only divert the ball past the post, but he was only a reserve player at Derry City.  Fergie rung the changes, taking off Alan D, a ghost of the player he was last week against Queens and Gavin, who was having a good game and replaced them with Sparky and the hairdresser, Neal Gawley. United should have tied things up soon after this when Ally found Kelly with his back to goal and heeled the ball, but Beverland, the scum Captain, was able to to hack the ball clear. The referee booked a scum player for time-wasting, kicking the ball away and thought 'what have I done' and promptly booked Sparky, who had only come on for an innocuous tackle.

Neal Gawley's long throw-ins was causing havoc in the scum defence, but United couldn't get the breakthrough despite their possession. Fergie's played his last trump card when Steeky was scythed down going forward and the ref waved play on, bringing on MM to replace the injured Steeky. Oran seemed to take pity on us and removed his best player, McIlmoyle and brought on Watt. Cush almost got us on level terms but his snap shot from a Kelly flick-on, flashed wide of the goal, like Bradley's did earlier for the scum. United continued to batter the scum defence and after a corner by Ally on the right the ball was cleared for another corner on the left, Neal's in-swinger came back off the post. That was in the 88 minute and it looked like United were going to lose for the first time this season to their bitter rivals, the Coleraine scum.

It's a well know saying, 'cometh the hour, cometh the man' and from United's point of view, that man seems to be MM. He won us a penalty, with the 4th official getting ready to hold up his board showing the added time, when from another Neal corner, his flick-on was handled by Canning and the ref pointed to the spot. Up stepped the reliable Ally to send us home full of the joys of spring as he beat Ferry with aplomb. The 4th official signalled that there would be another 3 mins and Cookie became our 4th player booked when he stopped a scum attack. From this kick, the United defenders scrambled it for a corner and despite a few anxious moments we held out for a credible draw. Despite our handicap of having to change our team we kept our unbeaten run going against Coleraine, I only hope they are there to be played next season, I'm not an expert but I think they'll struggle in a play-off match, I hope for their sake, they can avoid that!

Shan (7), Marky (5), Steeky (5) (Sub: MM 7,), Ruddy (6), Cookie (8), Gavin (7) (Sub: Sparky 7) , Jenks (7), Alan D (5) (Sub: Gawley 7,), Cush (6), Kelly (6), Ally (7)

Man of the match: Cookie Munster