Bitter Alice!

When I tried to think of headline that summed all the bitterness and frustration I felt at this pathetic display, 'Bitter Alice' I think sums it up perfectly. Bitter Alice, for the uneducated, is a substance that is coated on children's comforters (dummy tit, thumb, etc), to wean them off the comforter. I have never tried it, but Omar assures me it works and this United display has me saying I don't want to see another game for a long time, at least until August anyway. The Sky Blue Sport's team were looking for a pointer from Spike, like fielding his strongest team and giving us an inkling of what we could expect next season. If this mishmash of individuals that he picked yesterday was his team for the future, he leaves me with a sense of trepidation and far as I'm concerned he took the first steps on the gangplank of having his contract terminated.

We got off to a bad start yesterday, firstly when arriving at the ground Omar went to the development stand to see if he could get a programme for last Saturdays match, only to be informed that the printers went bust and they were having problems getting a replacement at the right price. Secondly Sammy Patterson told us the team, Dwayne was behind a back four of McCullagh, Maher, Taylor and Ruddy, in midfield were Jenks, Gavin, Cush and Ally and upfront were Alan D playing behind Dolan. We hardly strung two passes together in the first half and the chief culprits were Alan D and Jenks. The Swifts were passing the ball about and we let them, there was not a tackle in us and we were jittery at the back and it seemed only a matter of time when the Swifts scored.

The linesman at the Fisherwick end was not up with play and missed at least two offsides but United survived more by luck than by design. The post came to their rescue when Taylor and Maher were bamboozled by Chris Lavery but his shot beat Dwayne's outstretched arms but not the the post. Then in the 25th minute United suffered a blow (or was it a blessing in disguise), when Alan D was clearly elbowed and the referee, Keith Kennedy, despite awarding the free kick, took no action against the culprit and after receiving treatment at the touchline, he had to substituted with Liggie taking his place. Liggie was hardly on the field when the Swifts took a deserved lead, but there was a hint of fortitude about it. In a flowing move, with United chasing shadows, the ball was played to P.J. Lavery on the wing, who was clearly in an offside position, but the linesman was not up with play and he was allowed to go on and drilled a low shot past Dwayne to give his side the lead.

That goal came in the 27th minute and United got back on terms almost immediately when Ally swung over a corner and Maher with a free header missed the target, Dolan then had a shot blocked, but it eventually to fell to Taylor who despatched it into the net. Then the referee showed his bias by booking Gavin and Cushley for fouls, both deserved I might add, but letting the Swifts get away with tackles that were as bad if not worse. We managed to hold out to halftime but it was obvious a change was needed and we needed to get to grips with the game, the ref counted out 12 yards instead of the usual ten when United placed a defensive wall at two free kicks late in the half, cheating or what, but luckily we survived.


2nd half
United made a sub at halftime off went Gavin to be replaced with Archie and I thought this a strange move, but it worked and we began to string some passes together. I had said after the Whites match that Dolan and Liggie seemed to be forming a partnership, but yesterday they seemed like total strangers and they still got a year on their contracts. Captain Jenks made some forceful runs but nothing came of them and Cush seemed to be out of sorts. but we did create some chances but Tuda Murphy in the Swifts goal was equal to them. When Liggie found some space on the right he hammered the ball across, low and hard, but Dolan made no attempt to get on it. Ally then had a chance, but Murphy saved easily. That was almost Ally's last bit of action as he was subbed minutes after with McCabe taking his place, leaving us with three strikers on the field.

I thought to myself I'd rather see Neil Lowry on, McCabe is an out and out striker, whereas Lowry is more of a creator and he has loads of pace as well. But anyway as luck would have it our best chance fell to McCabe on the right and he fluffed it. I feel I must admonish the Ballymena Borough council here and the stock car people as there were at least three tracks of cars on the pitch and the ball bobbled in one of these when McCabe tried to pass to Archie with the goal seemingly at his mercy. His intended pass ballooned up in the air, like an up and under at rugby and was easy meat for Murphy in the Swifts goal. The most glaring miss was when Cush flighted a free kick from the left to the far post at the home stand side, but we had nobody there, they were all at the near post, surely our coaches know about this tendency and should always have a man positioned at the far post to take advantage of this possibility.

The Swifts were depending on breakaways but I, being a pessimistic United man, was always fearful they could nick one and so it proved. With the match drawing to a close and United struggling to a find a breakthrough, the Swifts attacked down our weak left flank. I honestly don't know what happened, whether there was question of offside about it, but all I seen was Dwayne coming out to confront a Swifts attacker and losing out and ball being passed to Ryan Devlin for an easy tap in. That goal came in the 85th minute and the United bench's frustration boiled over when after a spell of attacking pressure the linesman signalled for a Swifts throw and Spike had to restrained because it was plainly our throw. We were trying to get on terms or were we I wondered. When we won a throw-in level with the Swifts box, Shane Dolan grabbed the ball, but nobody wanted it and Mark McCullagh couldn't be arsed to get up to take it. When he eventually did, Sammy Patterson remarked that he had a long throw-in, but we had to wait for the last match of the season to see it.

We had one last chance and it fell to our top scorer Cush, when from a long throw-in by McCullagh, who has signed a two-year deal, Dolan's header found Cush but his overhead kick found the grateful arms of Murphy. That was our last real chance and we finished a beaten team and maybe I'm being pessimistic, but I think unless we have a complete rethink about our tactics, we are going to struggle next season. They was a talk in the stand that the bookies were not accepting any bets on the Irish league matches and the Swifts were 3-1 to win, but hey I'm getting carried away, it's just sour grapes on my part. The fat lady has definitely sang, we finished our season with a bump and all I can taste is 'Bitter Alice', time to recharge the batteries, I think!

Dwayne (7), McCullagh (6), Ruddy (5), Maher (6), Taylor (6), Ally (5)(Sub: McCabe 5,), Jenks (5), Gavin (5)(Sub: Archie 7,), Cush (6), Alan D (5)(Sub: Liggie 6,), Dolan (6)

Man of the match: Archie

Two Alans!

The tale of the two Alan's concerns Ally Teggart and Alan D. Ally had a fair match for him, he wasn't particularly prominent but late on he missed an absolute sitter from inside the six-yard box after good work by Liggie. But Alan D, who couldn't pass water for most of the match redeemed himself and Ally's blushes by getting on the end of Neil Lowry surging run and finishing with aplomb, to make the points safe. United had to make 3 changes from their starting line-up of last Saturday, with Johnny Taylor replacing Tony Kane (family bereavement) at rightback, Ally in for the suspended Thommo and Alan D taking the place of injured Captain Alan Jenkins. United got off to a dream start, going ahead in the 9th minute when after a neat bit of play down the right wing and cross, Liggie's effort on goal was blocked but from the rebound he made no mistake to give United the lead. The die-hard United fans in the smallest crowd I have seen at a senior game in years, were hoping the team could go on from this, but they retreated into their shell and let the hosts come to them.

During the rest of the first half we were treated to a lot of Whites pressure and the United defence holding firm under the inspiration of the determined Dwayne Nelson, who would not let the ball past him. United were under the cosh and when they did get the ball, they invariably gave it away much to the frustration of the fans. Cush, playing against his former club was a shadow of the player he was last Saturday at DC, someone commented that he was trying too hard, instead of doing the simple thing, he was 'trying' to impress. Alan D was also disappointing, playing in centre-midfield I thought he would relish being the motivator, but alas he had a poor game by his standards. The referee Tim Marshall seemed to have no cards with him as he continued to ignore brutal tackles by the hosts, instead he chose to lecture them at length. United held out to halftime, with Dwayne making a point blank save, proving his worth, if proof were needed.

2nd half
Cookie didn't come out for the second-half with Shaun Maher taking his place, whether he was injured I don't know, but he was certainly not the worst player in the United defence in the first half. The floodlights at Ballyskeagh are dire in the extreme and at the start of the second-half fans on the unreserved side we were unable to see the centre of the pitch at the stand side. The centre bank of light on that side were out and they had them at pitch level but later they were extinguished and we could see again, admittedly not too well, but we could see vaguely. But this was no excuse for the dire performance that we were subjected to by the Sky Blues who seemed to be trying to hold on that one goal lead and the fans were suffering from boredom and the chill with the temperature dropping fast. Alan D raised our hopes when he burst through only to blast the ball wide.

After 70 minutes Spike withdrew Cush and brought on Neil Lowry and his pace immediately had some effect. In a promising move up the left-wing, Dolan shielded the ball well but played it back to Alan D and eventually we lost possession, unforgivable in my book. Then we had the Ally miss after good work by Liggie in drawing the keeper and leaving Ally with the simple task of scoring but he side-footed the ball over the bar, an atrocious miss. With 10 minutes to go Ruddy made way for Denver Gage for his first senior game under Spike, he has been out injured since early in the 2011 season. That meant we had four central defender on the team, I sincerely hope that's not a blueprint for next season. Eventually we got the insurance goal in the 83rd minute, when after a surging run by Lowry, Alan D finished superbly and I for one thought he had missed, but the ball nestled nicely in the net.

Liggie had a chance to put the icing on cake two minutes later, but his shot from inside the box just shaved the bar with Brennan in the Whites goal soundly beaten. Eight minutes later it was all over, we had won two nil and the news came in that DC had beaten Dungannon Swifts and the Whites were relegated and manager Tim McCann was sacked with only two matches to go to the end of the season. Obviously the Whites board have somebody in mind to replace Tim and start the process of getting back to the Premier league or do they know something we don't about the league being restructured. What am I saying, I'm living in the real world, no that would be too forward thinking, we are in the IFA's jurisdiction, we would rather bury our head in the sand and hope for the best, but I fear for the league in its present format!

Dwayne (8), Taylor (5), Ruddy (7),(Sub: Denver 7,), Archie (6), Cookie (6)(Sub: Maher 6,), Cush (5)(Sub: Lowry 7,), Alan D (6), Gavin (6), Ally (6), Dolan (6), Liggie (7)

Man of the match: Dwayne Nelson

Ally Pally!

I can't recall how many times United's Alan Teggart has been clean through with only the keeper to beat this season, but he's missed them all, but not yesterday at Suffolk Road. When a delightful Alan D through ball left him 'one on one' with DC keeper John Connolly, Ally skipped past the DC keeper and found the net with a right-foot shot, for his 9th goal of the season leaving the final score 4-1 in United's favour. It was no more than United deserved and despite DC playing nice football they had no finishers on their team. United manager Spike made one change from his starting line-up of Easter Tuesday, Shane Dolan for Sparky, but unlike Easter Tuesday they got off to a horrible start. Two minutes were on the clock when a clumsy tackle from Cookie and a theatrical dive from Cleary, resulted in referee Colin Burns, awarding a harsh penalty. Cleary got up to take the spot-kick himself and Dwayne made an excellent save, but unfortunately the ball fell to Cleary and he despatched the ball into the net to give his side a 1-0 lead.

The United defence seemed to be at sixes and sevens and Ruddy in particular was having a hard time and was lucky not to pick up a yellow card for a bad foul, but it later turned out referee Burns was in a benevolent mood, when Ruddy was felled by a deliberate elbow later, the ref took no action against the culprit. United got on level terms when from a Thommo cross, Cush got his head to it and the unfortunate Mark Burns (no relation to the ref I think), could only turn the ball into his own net, I'm sure Cush claimed that was the strength of his header, no matter it brought the scores level. That goal came in the 10th minute and 9 minutes later United took the lead and Cush had a hand in this one as well. From a Connolly clearance, Cush launched the ball over the DC defence and with former player Shane Dolan looking like the favourite to get on the end of it, keeper Connolly rushed from his line and as the ball was outside his box headed it. Unfortunately it fell to United's Gary Liggett and he promptly lobbed the stranded keeper to give United a 2-1 lead.

Back came DC and they were unlucky not to level things when Mark Miskimmon found space inside United's box, but his shot, in spite of beating Dwayne, cannoned off the post and former United player Paul McAreavey skied the ball over the bar with the goal at his mercy. United stepped up the pace and Thommo missed two chances in quick succession, when delaying his shot too long, with United fans urging him to shoot. DC were in an uncompromising mood and Burns let them off with some bad tackles and two deliberate handballs and another blatant dive from Cleary. United were awarded two free kicks, one from either side of the pitch, but our dead-ball experts, Cush and Kane didn't trouble the keeper. With halftime approaching Thommo went down in a crunching tackle, which ref Burns didn't see anything wrong with and despite receiving treatment and continuing on until the ref blew his whistle, Thommo didn't come out for the 2nd half. Whether this was due to the injury or just a tactical switch by Spike, I honestly don't know, but Spike tends to keep Cush running the wing where he is standing and that would necessitate a change of personnel.

2nd half
The halftime time talk among the small band of Sky Blues fans was mainly centred on the rumours that, Dwayne looks bound for Coleraine, which would be a blow to United's hopes of improving and Spike chasing another central defender from a Championship side in East Antrim, I cannot say anymore at this time. As expected Thommo didn't come out for the 2nd half and Ally took his place and Cush switched to the right wing. United were going in search of the insurance goal, if there is such a thing and stepped up the pace but Liggie seemed to get the ball stuck under his feet on a couple occasions when he was in good positions. Jenks was making some powerful runs but couldn't find the telling pass to unlock the stubborn an uncompromising DC defence. About 10 mins in the half, McAreavey escaped a booking, when having won the ball he carried on with studs showing and took out Cush and despite protesting his innocence to the ref (dissent), he wasn't booked. From the free-kick United won a corner on the right, courtesy of McAreavey and prepared to take a short one and I was screaming 'not a short one'. Luckily Ally ignored me and passed the ball to Cush and from his cross Shane Dolan hammered the ball into the net to give United a 3-1 lead.

We should have scored more, we were that dominant, but despite our good passing, Liggie in particular seemed unsure and that led Sammy Patterson to question his fitness level, no doubt Spike and the three baldies will get him fit for next season. Spike rung the changes, taking off Tony Kane and bringing on Johnny Taylor in 66 mins and 5 mins later replacing Cush with Alan D. In between these two subs, the ref finally lost patience and booked Ciaran Burns for a brutal tackle, but worse was to follow with 5 mins to go. United, despite having several chances to score and put the match beyond doubt were clinging on at this stage and when DC won a corner, they had a bit of defending to do. It was backs to the wall stuff, but the ball fell to our Captain Jenks and he was bringing the ball out of defence and was brutally scythed down by Peter McCann, surely a red card for this tackle from behind that left our Captain writhing on the ground and calling for attention and giving the sign that he was unable to continue. Referee Burns added insult to injury by only flourishing a yellow card and our Captain was stretchered off which reduced us to 10 men for the remaining minutes of the match.

I'm always amazed when a team is reduced to 10 men for whatever reason, mainly I suppose when a man is sent-off, they up their game and so it proved yesterday. United continued to create chances and how ref Burns didn't a flourish another yellow when Archie was unceremoniously body checked when on a surging run, beggars belief. Alan D was struggling to find a pass and in the 4th minute of injury time he finally found one and put Ally away on his own. As I said at the top of the page, this didn't fill me with confidence, but Ally rounded the keeper and from an acute angle found the net to make the score 4-1 to United. Thirty seconds after the re-start the ref blew his whistle to leave DC firmly in 11th position in the table and facing a play-off with a Championship side to determine their Premier league status and United had moved to within 3 points of 7th placed Portadown, bring on the Whites, there's life in the league yet, I hope.

Dwayne (8), Kane (7)(Sub: Taylor 7,), Ruddy (6), Cookie (7), Archie (7), Thommo (5)(Sub: Ally (8), Gavin (6), Jenks (6), Cush (8)(Sub: Alan D 6,), Dolan (7), Liggie (7)

Man of the match: Cush

Easy Peasy!

There was a rumour doing the rounds at Solitude on Saturday that our first and reserve team had, had a practice match last week and the reserves had won. I don't know whether there's any truth in this rumour, but it may have been the catalyst that led to our trouncing of Portadown reserves yesterday and make no mistake, it was Portadown reserves. The only three players I recognised in the Ports starting line-up, were Lackey, Twigg and Patton, there could have been more, but announcer Kingo didn't see fit to enlighten us. Spike made a number of changes and as Mark McCullagh was serving a suspension, he reverted to his original back four, with Kane and Ruddy on the flanks and Archie and Cookie in the centre. There was a new centre-midfield pairing of Sparky and Gavin, Thommo on the right wing and Cush on the left, leaving Captain Jenks to support Liggie up front. United attacking the Fisherwick end, having won the toss, were quick out the blocks and the Ports rightback got his feet mixed up and presented the ball to Cush and he promptly lobbed Ports stand-in keeper McArdle and gave the Sky Blues the lead, with barely 4 mins on the clock.

Cookie almost committed suicide soon after, when he made a hash of a back-pass and Twigg looked set to score but Dwayne managed to hook the ball away from danger. But the visitors, looking visibly stunned that United had taken the lead so early, came back again and Lackey saw an overhead kick just clear the bar, with Dwayne looking beaten. United then almost increased their lead when Jenks beat the offside trap, but McArdle came to his side's rescue when gathering the ball. The United defence got caught flat-footed when Twigg got on the end of a long pass and struck an equaliser with 12 mins gone. This stung United and they went on the attack and when the ball was half cleared to the edge of the box, Cush struck a vicious left-foot shot, that seemed to swerve and beat McArdle all ends up. That goal came in the 14 minute and 7 minutes later Cush got his hat-trick, when Liggie and Thommo combined down the right and Thommo set up Cush for the easiest goal of his three. Twigg had claims for a penalty turned down when he collided with Ruddy in the United box and from a Cush free-kick Cookie could only head over, Referee, Andy Hunter, added one minute at the end of the first half and after more good work by Thommo, Sparky burst through to poke ball home to give United a 4-1 lead at halftime.

2nd half
Ports made two changes at the start of the 2nd half, with Redmond and McCaffrey coming on but United should have increased their lead when Sparky missed a free header from a Cush cross, That chance came in the 49th minute and two minutes later Liggie deservedly got on the score-sheet, firing through a ruck of players to make the score 5-1. Jenks and Liggie were starting to look like a combination and as if to emphasis this Jenks burst through and squared the ball for Liggie to score despite the attentions of two Ports defenders and keeper McArdle, to make the score a healthy 6-1 to United with an hour gone. The Ports stepped up the pace and after a good work sub Redman burst through but Dwayne saved at his feet. Mike Ruddy seemed to injure his groin and two mins later he came off and Johnny Taylor took his place to rapturous applause from the home fans, his first senior appearance for more than 5 months. Taylor took up his accustomed place at central defence with Archie switching to leftback, two mins later Sparky made way for Alan D and in the 70th mins Cush came off to rapturous applause and Shane Dolan took his place. Liggie had tried an aka Cush shot but it went high wide and not so handsome and Gavin also tried his luck, but his effort from 25 yards just shaved the crossbar.

The rest of the match was played out at half pace, the Ports players didn't want to pick up any injuries and our boys were content to try long shots, Alan D had a shot but it was a waste of time and effort and nowhere near the goal. The referee, Andy Hunter, used a bit of common-sense and only added 2 mins on. Ports had made two subs at halftime and therefore didn't eat up any time off the clock and the match was over when Liggie scored in the 60th minute. We applauded our heroes off, but we realise it was easy, Ports had at least one eye on next Saturday's cup match against the Glens. United next match is away to DC and 3 days later away to Lisburn Distillery, I surmise that they'll be sterner opposition than the free-wheeling Ports!


Dwayne (7), Kane (7), Ruddy (7)(Sub: Taylor 6,), Cookie (6), Archie (7), Thommo (7), Gavin (7), Sparky (7)(Sub: Alan D, 5), Cush (9)(Sub: Dolan 6,), Jenks (7), Liggie (8)


Man of the match: Cush